Clinics are just around the corner...

Clinics are just around the corner and if I have to hear about it one more time I'm going to crap my pants.  Or cry.  Or both.  I'm not prepared, or I don't FEEL prepared...

Either way, I've started to come up with a few retorts when the time comes (and it will) in which a clinician makes me feel more useless than an ingrown hair.

1) Start over.

• Example: 
• Clinician: are you stupid?  you seriously don't remember this?
• Me: Start over.

2) So's your face.

• Example:
• Clinician: Are you really going to try to lance that abscess?  It's quite nasty
• Me: So's your face

Those are the only two I have come up with.  I can see them making me quite popular with those in charge.